In an unexpected late-night raid, federal agents stormed the Pump.fun offices searching for evidence of fraud, insider trading, or at least a roadmap. What they found instead was far worse — gallons of Astroglide lube, a mountain of crushed Red Bull cans, and a sticky, well-used copy of TradingView taped to the wall.
"There was no codebase, no servers, not even a whiteboard," one investigator reported. "Just empty Monster energy bottles, cum-stained charts, and a sticky keyboard still logged into Twitter."
Experts now believe this explains the sudden dips in Pump.fun charts. "The network isn't crashing," one Solana dev explained, "the team is just hungover and jerking off instead of pushing commits."
When asked for comment, Pump.fun allegedly responded with a single sticky Post-it note: 'all dips are fake news'.